Rather than saying ‘no’, ask a question that forces problem solving. “While I wasn’t actually saying “No,” the question I kept asking sounded like it. They seemed to insinuate that the other side was being dishonest and unfair. And that was enough to make them falter and negotiate with themselves.”
Don’t make assumptions. Explore. “Too often people find it easier just to stick with what they believe. Using what they’ve heard or their own biases, they often make assumptions about others even before meeting them. They even ignore their own perceptions to make them conform to foregone conclusions. These assumptions muck up our perceptual windows onto the world, showing us an unchanging — often flawed — version of the situation. Great negotiators are able to question the assumptions that the rest of the involved players accept on faith or in arrogance, and thus remain more emotionally open to all possibilities, and more intellectually agile to a fluid situation.”
Don’t focus on you. “There’s one powerful way to quiet the voice in your head and the voice in their head at the same time: treat two schizophrenics with just one pill. Instead of prioritizing your argument — in fact, instead of doing any thinking at all in the early goings about what you’re going to say — make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say. In that mode of true active listening — aided by the tactics you’ll learn in the following chapters — you’ll disarm your counterpart. You’ll make them feel safe. The voice in their head will begin to quiet down.”
Smile. “When we radiate warmth and acceptance, conversations just seem to flow. When we enter a room with a level of comfort and enthusiasm, we attract people toward us. Smile at someone on the street, and as a reflex they’ll smile back.. …smile while you’re talking. A smile, even while talking on the phone, have an impact tonally that the other person will pick up.”
Kill the deal-killers right away. “If I see a work-for-hire clause, for example, I might say, “We don’t do work-for-hire.” Just like that, plain, simple, and friendly. I don’t offer up an alternative, because/ it would beg further discussion, so I just make a straightforward declaration. You can be very direct and to the point as long as you create safety by a tone of voice that says I’m okay, you’re okay, let’s figure things out.”
Don’t use ‘I’. “Notice we said “It sounds like…” and not “I’m hearing that…” That’s because the word “I” gets people’s guard up. When you say “I,” it says you’re more interested in yourself than the other person, and it makes you take personal responsibility for the words that follow — and the offense they might cause.”
Take the sting out. “In court, defense lawyers do this properly by mentioning everything their client is accused of, and all the weaknesses of their case, in the opening statement. They call this technique “taking the sting out.”…Anna opened by acknowledging ABC’s biggest gripes. “We understand that we brought you on board with the shared goal of having you lead this work,” she said. “You may feel like we have treated you unfairly, and that we changed the deal significantly since then. We acknowledge that you believe you were promised this work. With the negatives labeled and the worst accusations laid bare Anna and Mark were able to turn the conversation to the contract. Watch what they do closely, as it’s brilliant: they acknowledge ABC’s situation while simultaneously shifting the onus of offering a solution to the smaller company.”
The book is well worth the read, and the above excerpts are not all of the ones we found valuable. We’ll print the rest tomorrow.
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